The Beginning Of An Ending…

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The wooden toy guitar still stays in its package, unopened, as if it might replace that chapter in my life which is about to be closed. Many dreams still shelter my weak heart, still hoping that maybe, just maybe, fate might turn its decision and bring you back into my life where you truly belong. It is hilarious that we think our lives will just go on and those we take for granted are really ours. No matter how young or old, somewhere in the passage of time, we are bound to lose our loved ones to the hands of death, or to another person, or to the materialistic world, or simply to a busy life.

Its pretty hard to digest the fact that today might be the last day that I may see you, feel the care that your presence itself spreads, or hear that voice that has soothed my sorrowed heart time and again. The pride I carry ceases to dissolve and let at least a single teardrop form in my eye. Perhaps, I am not ready to accept the certainty that you are going away and I, alone, shattered and bruised have to go on with life as if nothing mattered, or yet worse, that nothing had happened.The hope that you might come back seems as if it were a long-lost dream; lost in some wave or in the tune of a little bird.

Why?! Why should fate take such crucial decisions?

It is completely unethical that I should blame fate for my loss, for the gloom I withhold, because fate is what God decides and what rights do we have over His creations, but to be mere spectators or go through what He bestows in our lives.

Coming back into contradicting myself, whom can we question or blame other than fate for what happens in our lives. The answer to this question has not yet been discovered because there is, as a matter of fact, no answer for it.

.Today, fate has decided to keep us apart and become that bridge in our lives that shall stand as a barrier mid-way rather than as a link between the two places, that is, us. Though we cannot change the course which fate decides, we can continuously work against it, for maybe it gets tired and gives us what we want. Or maybe we can just leave our lives into the hands, into the cruel hands, of fate.

So, finally, it has arrived and you have said goodbye. I wonder what maybe there in your mind. Is is hatred for all what I have caused or jealousy that I may go through this better than you, or sorrow for letting fate come in our way, or love for all the good times we have spent together? I know I’ll never really get an answer to these questions but maybe, just maybe, I soon will.

It is sad how our happy times have become a memory and these, too, with time shall fade away. In the course of time, over the years, if ever fate, the good-bodied fate, lets us hold hands again, would we carelessly withdraw? Fate alone has an answer to this question and to those who want an answer will have to wait to witness the reality.

It is a myth that true love never dies because ours is nothing less than true but it is already seeing its final days approaching nearer bit by bit. Everyone dies so does everything. What keeps us alive is hope but what does one do if hope too decides to leave your hand and lets you drown into the depths of nowhere…

Maybe the guitar will tune its strings and play again…

നിന്റെ ഹൃദയം

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ഞാന്‍ നിന്നോട് വാചാലനാകുമ്പോള്‍
നിന്റെ കണ്ണുകള്‍, കണ്‍പീലികള്‍
നിന്റെ ചുണ്ട്, ചുണ്ടിലെ പുഞ്ചിരി
മനസ്സ്, മനസ്സിലെ സന്തോഷം……
തൊട്ടറിയുന്നു ഞാന്‍ നിന്റെ ഹൃദയം.
നിന്റെ ഹൃദയത്തിന്റെ വേദന,
ഞാനെന്നിലേക്ക് ആവാഹിക്കുന്നു;
നിന്റെ ഹൃദയത്തിലെ ശൂന്യതയാകുന്ന
വിടവുകള്‍ നികത്തുവാന്‍ വേണ്ടി.

 

  • Jalib Akther M.K

ചില്ലുകഷ്ണങ്ങള്‍ – പിഴവുകള്‍

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അശ്വമേധത്തിനൊടുവില്‍

നിലക്കാത്ത ശ്വാസമായ് ഞാന്‍.

അര്‍ത്ഥശൂന്യതയെന്ന അന്ധകാരത്തില്‍

ഞാന്‍ വേട്ടയാടപ്പെടുന്നു.

ജ്ഞാനത്തിന്റെ സ്ഫടികപ്പാത്ത്രത്തില്‍

കറ പുരണ്ടിരിക്കുന്നു.

സൂക്ഷ്മ നേത്രങ്ങള്‍ക്ക് എന്തുപറ്റി?

പിഴവുകള്‍…പിഴവുകള്‍…പിഴവുകള്‍…

അക്ഷരങ്ങള്‍ യോജിക്കുന്നില്ല,

വാക്കുകള്‍ തമ്മില്‍ ചേരുന്നില്ല,

വരികള്‍ക്ക് അര്‍ത്ഥ വത്യാസം.

സ്നേഹത്തിന്റെ, ഇലകൊഴിഞ്ഞ

വഴിത്താരയില്‍ ഞാന്‍ നിന്നു,

മെയ്‌മാസപ്പൂക്കള്‍ വിടര്‍ന്നതും നോക്കി

അവയുടെ മാസ്മരികത, സ്നേഹം,

ആത്മീയത, ശാന്തത……

ആ ഇടുങ്ങിയ വഴിത്താരയില്‍

ആരെയും ഞാന്‍ കണ്ടില്ല,

ആരുടേയും ശബ്ദം ഞാന്‍ കേട്ടില്ല,

ആരോ നടന്നു വരുന്ന കാലൊച്ചയൊഴിച്ച്….

  • Jalib Akther

    18th of November 2011